new one here!: http://strwbrrypie.blogspot.com

10 Things

1. I'm sorry I hated you so much before, but now I can't imagine not having you in my life. We've become the team of awesome. With you, we've done the stupidest of things and made the smartest of choices and I'm glad that we were able to do it together.

2. I don't know how we even happened, but I'm glad we did. Our relationship has only served to make my life better, and so far it doesn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. I love you.

3. I still love you and probably always will, you really are a great person and deserve to be happy and I hope that one day you will find it. I miss you so much and wish things would have been different.

4. I don’t hate you and I’m sorry for the way I’ve handled things but I really can’t take your obnoxious and psycho ways anymore.

5. HOLY CRAP! Where would i be without you? Probably in a cardboard box with a mental illness that’s for sure. You’re encouragement, guidance, validation and your godlike humour has helped my sanity more than one can possibly imagine. I’ll libre you anytime, as long as I have the money.

6. I think you are selfish, inconsiderate and completely unappreciative. Go die now, plz. Okay, maybe not die, but I think you need a serious wake up call.

7. I think I can truly say that I would not be the person I am without you. Since day one you’ve shown me nothing but unconditional love and  have shown me how to live my life to the fullest and the greatest. Thank you for everything and I hope that one day I can give back what you’ve given to me.

8. I don’t know how in the hell you did it, but you’ve stolen my heart. You’re funny and cute and I’m becoming more and more captivated by you every day. You’re my little ray of sunshine in my dark and dreary moments and I wish that I could show you how I feel in some way. Not a day goes by without me wondering where you are and what you’re doing and I really care about you and want to make you happy.

9. I’m sorry things happened the way that they did but I really don’t like the person you are becoming. I hope somehow we can go back to the old days.

10. I thought you were different, but you're not.

The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough.
- Rabindranath Tagore

 Come home. Drop my things. Like every other time. But this time, something was different. No longer did I run to the computer, or turn on the tv. Instead, sitting in silence, I contemplated the butterflies. The fluttering, the thumping and perhaps the fragility, of what exactly I could not logically explain. Clutching my pillow and staring into space, my mind raced with the possibilities what what could be, paced with the thoughts of what wouldn't be, and ignored the thoughts of what should be. Never has something been so terrifying, yet so comforting. To let another affect me so profoundly that I've even come to doubt myself, my thoughts and my emotions, has left me amazed. Too mant times have yearned to reach out and touch, but the sickening, unrelenting fear will always keep me to myself and will always leave me to entertain my selfish and sick fantasies. So, instead I've come to rely on the little things. Giggling at inside jokes, playful banter, goodnight messages, and sometimes charming little text messages that have turned me from a hardass bee-otch to a squealing little girl. But when all is said and done, perhaps the scariest thing is not what I could be capable of, but instead the thought that maybe, just maybe, he has felt the butterflies too.

For Audrey by China Glaze!!!

Goodbye Cookie. You were the cutest little hamster that restored my faith in your species. The only hamster to pick a fight with my cat...and win. We'll miss you! :(

As I was surfing through music videos on youtube, I caught something interesting while I was watching. I'm not sure if this is the new trend, or makeup artists around the world saw my face and had an awesome inspiring moment, but the black eyeliner and barbe pink lip colour which I thought was currently MY thing has apparently been spreading. As seen here:

Miley Cyrus

And here...

 Lights

And yes, even MAC stole it!

Now I'm not usually one to try and stay ahead of the crowd and race for the new 'it' thing, but this time I thought I was totally cool cause nobody was doing it. Now you may be thinking, "oh, she probably saw it on someone and unconciously remembered it" and my response would be, NO WAY! I know for sure I had this look going on before anyone here stole it CAUUUSEEEE....

I stole it from 2NE1....like..A YEAR AGO:

I'm quiet you know. You make a first impression.
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind ♪ ♫

- Howie Day ~ Collide

 For those of you familiar with Law and Order: SVU, hopefully you'll catch my drift when I say that Elliot Stabler and Olivia Benson BELONG TOGETHER. Being a huge fan of the series since...almost the beginning, I've watched the 11 season relationship grow and stand the trials and tribulations of a fictional NYPD unit that specifically deals with sex crimes and all the horrors that go along with it. Being partners, I think they were able to see and experience sides of each other that wouldn't normally emerge in everyday interaction. It's strange to even call it a relationship, as their many experiences have landed them into the all too well known "grey area". Considering that Stabler has a wife and a family, I doubt a full out relationship with Olivia would be written in. (Although, Stabler did divorce his wife in season 8, but they quicly rekindled) There then comes the question of "What are they, exactly?" The more I think about the answer the more complicated it gets. I guess when it comes down to it, if you were to ask if their relationship has crossed the line far enough that Stabler would be considered cheating on his wife? my answer would be "No" But, has their relationship gone farther than being just partners who catch the bad guys? YES for sure! They may have not ventured into a physical/sexual attraction but there is definitely an emotional attachment between them, as it becomes quite obvious in many of the recent seasons, the presence and the abscence of either one of them has a deep effect on the other. Perhaps this is that new phenomena gaining popularity they call "emotional cheating".

This then got me thinking, at what point does emotional attachment cross that forbidden boundary. Is it wrong to feel strongly attached to someone so much that their prescence or abscence has an effect on you? And I ain't talking about the family kind of attachment. (Though I find it quite ironic that the word 'kuya' comes to mind) At what point does friendship and caring suddenly become 'like' or, dare I say it, "love"? Trying to find such an answer, through my own experience has lead me to a lump of complex and conflicted emotions that I would rather stow away in the corner in my mind than sort out and face. Perhaps it's because the answer may not be one I would like to hear, or perhaps I'm just really lazy. 

To further humour myself with this, perhaps my interest in the Stabler/Olivia relationship was not really about them, but about the interest in my own 'grey area' dilemma.  Talk about your classic case of emotional projection.

awwh so cute!

All in all, the main lesson I've taken away from this situation can be easily expressed with a quote by Albus Dumbledore:

"It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." 

And for your enjoyment, the awesomest video you will ever see: Link